Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
