Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you will always have a special place in my vag
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
