Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
