If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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