on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
