My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize