just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
