Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
