I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
