dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
