I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
