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My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I need a beard to bite.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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