Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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