xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
