drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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