just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
