I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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