i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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