2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
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