just come out here and I will go home with you...
I hope mine doesn't look like that
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My liver just had a heart attack.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
