also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
How's work?
Spinning.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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