Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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