so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
