if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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