Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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