I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize