thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
