If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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