I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
