What a fucking waste of an outfit
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
