Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
