the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
