I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
