Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
