I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize