Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
