last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
