boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
