I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
