So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
