I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
