I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
worst night to have a conscience
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
