The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
