you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She bit a glass in half.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
