i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
