what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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