just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
