Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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