When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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