I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
