We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
