your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
