There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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