just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
