If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
