Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
