Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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