I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize