It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
How drunk are you?
Completed.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
