just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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