You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
