I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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