I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
