best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
