But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize