this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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