I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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