on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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