omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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