So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
