eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize