She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
