I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
