Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize