Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
