Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
