youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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