Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
