Someone shit on the floor
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Randomize
