He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize