im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
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