why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize