I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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