There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
