what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
