She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
