U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
