I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
