finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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