College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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