Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
