Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
