hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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