Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
