If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
