By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
