someone get that fucking seahorse.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
