Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
