Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize